I OWN THE SHOES!

Oh my God! I own them! haha! I'm PUMPED! Tonight after work my mom and I drove out to the mall to hit up Stuart Weitzman. I knew they didn't carry half sizes so if I needed a 7.5 I'd have to order it. But the 7 wound up fitting perfectly and we brought them home! SQUEE! I didn't leave them there to be dyed because #1 I forgot to bring the color swatch with us and #2 I want to get in for my first fittings for my dress. I also need white shoes for my bridal shower, and halfway considered wearing them white for the shower and THEN having them dyed for the wedding. Plus with my short shower dress the girls (who will appreciate them) will actually get to see them. But then again, it'd probably be more fun to do a 'big reveal' at the wedding. I'll have plenty of time later to wear them. They will be dyed fuchsia, and then I can still wear them with little black dresses, etc. After a year or so if I'm tired of that it won't cost much to dye them black and then I can wear them ALL THE TIME! They are SO comfortable and adorable. I asked Ben to take pictures but he didn't want to tonight. :( I am literally THRILLED. I told the lady in the store I was more in love with these than my gown. haha. I walked out of the shoe store and I really thought I heard angela (or Edward, same thing) singing. I told my mom this was the happiest day of my life. HAHAHA. How did I ever become THAT person?! Oh well, I am, and it's totally awesome.

I'm not even going to taint this post with updates on anything else. Everything else is GREAT because I have killer shoes.
(oh we got our first RSVP 'no' in -- someone on Ben's dad's list that I have no idea who they are, so... YAY! haha. Also got 5 yeses. I LOVE MAIL! AND SHOES!)

Happy less FAT TUESDAY!

Weigh in day was great! I'm down 2.2 for the week and Ben was down 3 pounds! WOOO HOO!

Did good with food, did okay with water (close, but not enough) and speed walked 2.5 miles.

A childhood friend's mother called my mom and offered to throw me a second bridal shower! :) That was SO nice and made me feel really good! I know a lot of time/thought/love/money goes into these things and it was just so nice of her to offer. We're having one big shower and inviting everyone to the shower my MOH is throwing me, so we told her she didn't need to. Still, it was just such a nice thing to offer and really made me feel good.

The 'other' shoes came in today. They were cute looking. I'd like them if I'd never known the 'lover.' But they were most definitely too big and not comfortable... I couldn't find where my arch would go even if they did fit. So we're mailing them back and TOMORROW my mom & I are going to Stuart Weitzman to order MY SHOE! Hallelujah!

All in all it was a good day, but I definitely have had my bridezilla moments. This morning I went to my mom's and was literally screaming about this one invitation situation and then morphed into the story about my childhood friends from CA possibly coming and was bawling. My whole day was up and down like that... one second screaming and the next just having some other emotional melt down. I don't see this improving any time soon. haha.

Ben ran me a nice hot bath though and I feel very relaxed and am going to go to bed and read some more. My shower is in like 3ish weeks and I am so excited that my BFF will be in town. I really need her admist this craziness so we can go out and blow off some steam. haha. Tonight was like the first night in my life that I was just like, you know what, I NEED a glass of wine or a xanax or SOMETHING. haha. Hopefully it gets better from here on out.

I seriously won't make it through my wedding day

without crying like a BABY. I have to write a short paper before I go to bed, so naturally, I'm procrastinating. My dad had a best friend, and his best friend had two daughters who were my age and we grew up together, basically. Every summer we went on week long camping trips in the California mountains, and in the winter we'd go snowboarding for a week or so. These girls were like family, and while we still keep in touch online ... now that my dad isn't alive I don't really have any reason to be in California, and the 'family trips' are kind of over now that we're all grown. Naturally I invited the two girls and their mom & dad to my wedding. Didn't have any expectations of them coming, as I realize it would be a long/expensive trip in the middle of work/school obligations. Well both the girls just commented on my facebook that they are hoping to come. I am just sitting here BAWLING. I didn't realize how important it was to me that they are there. It's just like, my dad won't be... and I need people who know him to be there, ya know? Gah, I'm such a mess trying to type this out. I just miss him, and I know when I walk down the aisle, or do my father/bride dance I am going to be a wreck. Thank God I have my step-dad, who I love and is freaking awesome. He's been a great influence/ role model in my life since I was 9 and he even invited me (and took me) on the first date he took my mom on. He is just the best step-dad I could ever hope for, so I'm very fortunate. I'm happy I'll have a 'dad' to walk me down the aisle and do the first dance with. It still just breaks my heart my daddy won't be there though. Since he was an only child there is no 'family' on his side to come, and these lifelong friends WERE that. Despite the fact that we invited MORE THAN TWICE as many people as we had originally planned for, I'm really hoping these RSVPs in particular don't come in as 'No's." I'll understand, as I kind of expected they wouldn't be able to come, but I really hope they can. *sigh* I'm seriously crying right now and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the wedding day without being a wreck. UGH.

Weigh-in in the morning... if I ever write this paper. haha

I've been slacking on blogging

but not on Weight Watchers! Sorry I haven't posted in a handful of days. I've been really busy, and even when I'm on the computer I'm working on my registry or doing other wedding related stuff it seems. I also just don't have anything THAT interesting to post & it'd be boring to just read a list of food that I ate that day.

Right now I'm at my mom's house printing out the wedding coloring books I made for the kids. They came out really cute, I'll try to take pictures and post them later.

I got my bridal shower dress today. It's a green & white sundress. It cost more than I wanted to spend, but I'm happy with it and I think it'll make a great shower dress. I was hoping for fuchsia since that's my main wedding color, but lime is one of them too so this works.

We ordered the tux for the ring bearer today and FINALLY got a veil off ebay. Only one RSVP came in the mail today, which I was kind of bummed about. No no's so far! :D According to the UPS tracker my shoes (the cheap 'eh' ones) will be in tomorrow. Seriously, if they're no good I AM buying the Stuart Weitzman ones. Aside from being everything I'd hoped for in a shoe, they're just really comfortable and that's kind of a big priority on my wedding day.

So tomorrow morning is weigh in day. Wish Ben & I luck! :)

Exhausted, but totally on board

Didn't post yesterday, obviously. Invitations went out! WOO! I am so stoked to start getting RSVPs! I did good on food and water yesterday, no exercise. Today I did good on food and water and I spent 30 minutes lifting weights and speed walked 2 miles.

I had to write a paper today and I just still haven't caught up on sleep. I should probably go to bed now but I'm sitting here fiddling with my registries. Macy's is telling me that I need to have 150 gifts on there because of the number of guests I have and I only have 28 things. haha. I just don't see much I want. I really suck at registering. My mom is like YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING, how can you not find stuff to register for!? haha.

Anyway, my blog is boring. Sorry!

Here's today's food --

Fiber one cereal 4 pts
lean pocket 5 pts
100 cal pack 2 ptc
lean cusine pasta 6 pts
cookies 3 pts

Wow. The benefit of writing things out like that is that I just noticed I had no fruits or veggies today. haha... I suck.

Oh, I got a tanning bed membership. Tanning isn't something that's important to me since I'm all old and wrinkled already... but I do need to get some of this winter day-glo off before the wedding and particularly the honeymoon. So I'm going. The thing is I LOVE going because it's nice having a few minutes to just relax and enjoy the warmth. I just don't care for the whole cancer bit. Oh well, it's not like it'll be a regular thing, it's just before the wedding.

First weigh in was today!

Today is Tuesday, therefore weigh-in day. I am down 3.6 pounds and Ben is down 4. While I'm super glad to have lost that, I am still right at where I had been prior to AF so I don't know how much actual loss that is. Whatever though, it's still 30 pounds lighter than my heaviest & I'm feeling good.

Food was fine today... didn't get in enough water. I also skipped my PE class so I didn't get any exercise either. Boo!

Did accomplish a good bit of wedding stuff. Had our 60 day meeting and everything went smoothly with that. Got the invitations stamped, stuffed, addressed and DONE so they will go out tomorrow. I even made the accommodation cards today. Everything with accommodations went really well... they're offering a free shuttle to take our guests to the church, then from the church to the reception site, and then pick them up and bring them home. So that's awesome because they can all drink and get a ride back convienetly! So I'm super pleased. I also printed the cards in Edward Cullen's font... so naturally I was really happy to include that somewhere. I'll probably use it for parts of the programs as well, haha. We also set up one of my centerpieces and it looks good. We're thinking we'll order more feathers just to really bulk it up some, but they'd look fine even if we didn't.

Oh, we also ordered the 'knock off' shoes today. I just had to get something done. I found an online coupon so they were $42 shipped. MUCH better than the cost of the other ones, so I'll try to hold back from judging them until they arrive in a week or so.

E-mailed the girl on etsy who makes the garters I want... hope to hear back from her soon.

Overall, making progress & that's good. I am BEAT and am going to bed, where hopefully my success today will grant me some LEGIT sleep and not this nightmarish/wake-up-every-hour bull I've been getting lately thanks to wedding stress.

Couple pics from the invite/centerpiece stuff-

Ugh, I am having SUCH a case of the Mondays.

Today has just been a mess. There has been so much drama it seems. My mom's friend and old co-worker was murdered last night... the #1 suspect is her husband, and the worst part is she was STABBED to death. Mostly on her knees, as she was clearly balled up trying to protect herself. That was the first news of the morning and it's hard to shake that.

Tomorrow we have a meeting with our 'coordinator' at Glendalough. Someone pointed out that it's actually called our "60 day meeting" and therefore we have 60 days left. I nearly hyperventilated. So tomorrow I have to hand in two work sheets... one with all of the things checked off that we want to do -- cake cutting/garter toss/ first dance, etc. etc. etc. Easy enough. Then we have to hand in our music sheet, so Ben and I have been trying to pick out our last minute music things and that's been a PITA.

Mom is determined to have my invitations mailed tomorrow and apparently I don't have any say in this. I haven't even given her MY guest list, but everything else is addressed and ready to go. I had a major bridezilla moment because she was putting friggin' liberty bell regular stamps on the RSVP cards and I was (well I'm still not) happy about this... but whatever, too late now. I know it's just a stamp, but lately it feels like I'm "caving" on all these little things that really add up.

My cousin just got engaged today -- they're getting married in Sept or October and she asked me to be her Matron of Honor. Super nice, totally excited, but don't have time to think about that just yet.

I shouldn't have signed up for school this semester. I'll be glad I did... but I have 8 tests for PE that are online that I have to take within the next 4 weeks and I have a paper due Thursday I haven't started on, plus I need to talk to my professor about what MY itenerary includes since I'll be missing the last month of the semester for the wedding.

Oh we picked out tuxes today too. The guys need to have measurements and $ in by the end of the week. *bangs head against wall* Someone remind me to make sure Ben has called them tomorrow, PLEASE. On the up side, Ben's tux was free since we're ordering enough.

What else? Hmm. Still working on registry stuff. I didn't update yesterday, I don't think. But yeah we registered ALL DAY yesterday. I don't feel like posting about that now, but I still need to go online and browse through that, especially before people get the invitations. SO MUCH TO DO!

The last few nights I have been waking up multiple times in the night ready to jump up to go work on some wedding something. Ben says I am kind of turning into a crazy person in just the last week. I was thinking it was my period, but it hasn't gone away... the mood swings have gotten better but the wedding stress has gotten worse. I hope this simmers down. I need another vacation. Forks, anyone? :)

Tomorrow we have our 60 day meeting from 9-4:30... I don't even know what we'll be doing so I have no idea how it could possibly last that long! I feel so unprepared! THEN, I have PE from 5-6:15 and that's like a 45 minute drive both ways. I have two free tickets to a screening of a movie that doesn't come out until March 20th, but we can pre-screen it for free at 7:30. I don't see any way I can do all of that... I'm thinking of skipping on PE, but I can only miss two & I already missed one when we got trapped in Seattle. Plus I WANT the exercise. I'm just gonna play it by ear tomorrow, but it's gonna be a long day I think.

Oh I need to do something about shoes. I HAVE to have my dress altered. I was there today and they wanted me to set up a time, but I can't b/c I don't friggin' have shoes. I told my mom to just order the $50 ones. I don't know if she did, I should ask tomorrow. I had planned on getting my good shoes once I found out what my tax return would be, but all those documents are at my mom's house and I keep forgeting to grab them. I guess if she hasn't ordered the $50 shoes then maybe tomorrow I'll have time. Besides, we just saved like $120 by getting Ben's tux free so that makes my shoes only like $65 to me, right? Riiiight?! haha

I miss my dad. I was just listening to the song I'd picked for me and my step-dad to dance to... (Heartland's I loved her First) and it makes me freaking BAWL and it's probably a bad idea. But it's just SUCH a sweet song. Any song I dance to for a father/daughter dance is gonna make me cry, so might as well put on some waterproof mascara and go out with a bang. Sitting here crying while that song played on youtube is what reminded me to 'take a break' and blog... but I guess crying isn't getting wedding stuff accomplished now, is it?

... weigh in day is tomorrow! Weight Less! WAYYYY LESS! haha, I'm lame.

February 14th

Since I wind up posting at like midnight every night my posts are dated a day off. Anyway, today was the 'real' St. Valentine's day. I did good on points & got in more than enough water. I'm not in a blogging mood, but I wanted to say something so if anyone is reading you know I'm not slacking. We started addressing wedding invitations today, I got the guest list for the bridal shower to my maid of honor finally, and tomorrow after Mass Ben & I will be registering. Check check check! Did some crunches/push-ups and arm weights today... nothing serious in the exercise department. Still feeling good and on board! So is Ben! *pats ourselves on the back*

Happy Shannontine's Day!

I'll keep this one short. Tomorrow night Ben is working so he wanted to go out for Valentine's day tonight. This year I don't really care about Valentine's day... I'd be happy spending some quality time at home with Ben. I don't want to spend money we shouldn't by going out to eat, and I don't want to go somewhere while counting points because that usually feels like money wasted... and I definitely am not about to stop counting points.

I got up, had a bowl of fiber one cereal for breakfast (4 points) and then didn't eat anything all through work because we were going to The Cheesecake Factory with my cousin and her boyfriend for dinner. I was irritable, as I have been all week and rushed to get ready. I wasn't thrilled about going and blowing on food... BUT I had a ton of daily points since I had hardly eaten anything all day (bad for me, I know!) plus all of my 35 flex points for the week. So I skipped the appetizer they ordered and ate a little over 1/4 of my burger, a couple fries, and then Ben and I split a slice of cheesecake that we didn't finish. So I feel like I did really good and still didn't feel deprived... but I think points-wise I didn't blow it altogether, which I'm happy about.

I also got in all of my water for today.

No exercise, unless having your legs waxed counts, haha.

I need to reign in Bridezilla

I am so ready for the mood swings that accompany my period to be done. I am feeling bat shit crazy these last few days. *sigh*

Today was rockin' for food and exercise! I ate --

egg beater & toast sandwich - 2
granola bar - 2
snack mix -2
spaghetti with meat sauce & garlic toast - 10
smart ones ice cream brownie thing - 4

got in enough water

had my P.E. class. I had a test in my class before that and was having a headache from hell and seriously contemplated just bailing on PE. But I wanted to be able to report back that I got in my exercise, and I did! It was one of those pounding make-you-naseous headaches too, so I'm really proud of myself. I did 30 minutes of strength training and then speed walked a little over 2 miles. I had worn my saucony's instead of my running shoes... and they're like a size and a half too big... and that was a mistake. Have I mentioned that the speed walking isn't on a track or treadmill? It's through a field... on like gravel/dirt/mud/sand. So it takes a lot more to propel yourself further... and then today I go doing it in shoes that are slipping off. I felt like I exerted more effort than normal.

... okay now that that's out of the way -- about my bridezilla coming out today. I blame it on my period. For reals.

I called one of the Stuart Weitzman stores in ATL today. I asked if they had the Lover, and they do -- in white & red. Ugh. The white is dyeable and she said she could still order it in a 7.5 because they don't carry half sizes in store. It's $325. They have a guy that dyes shoes for them so she said she'd call him for a quote and get back to me, which she did. It'll be $45 to dye the shoes. Now, if I had ordered them when I was in the other store before they could have friggin' ordered them in fuchsia... so my 'price shopping' is making this MORE AND MORE expensive. UGH!

So I'm still trying to figure, I can order them from zappos in black for $198. Could I have them bleached/stripped and THEN dye them fuchsia? That would still be cheaper. But I need to find a contact for someone who dyes shoes. What the hell would that be under in the phone book? *bangs head against wall*

So my mom calls in the height of my irritablity this evening (another long story) to tell me that the flower girl dress is in. GREAT! I didn't know she had ordered one. I had showed her several that I like... all with big fuchsia bows (that actually match my shoes!) and she didn't get one of those. BUT she did go to Michael's and bought a fuchsia sash. So, we'll see how that looks. Here's what I was wanting something similar to - (which I found on ebay for $40)



ANYWAY, so my mom's on the phone & I tell her about the shoes. She handed her credit card over when I could order them for $225 (they weren't in my size) so I was really hoping for some kind of deal here. Some kind of... I'll pay the $225 I said I would before but you get the rest, or just a "clearly there are no other shoes with faces and you NEED these so I'll buy them" kind of deal. haha. I tell her what happened on the phone and there's just silence. So I keep talking...I explain that it's like, these shoes or I go barefoot. I'm literally on the verge of throwing a tantrum with my feet kicking on the floor like a big two year old... it's ridiculous. Wanting such expensive shoes is so out of character for me and now this?! What has happened to me!? Then she's like "yeah, cause barefoot will just look great" and I say nothing... she says nothing... and I'm just like "OKAY BYE." and get off the phone. Ugh, I am so moody -- I hate this! So then she calls back a few minutes later and is like "I'll pay half. Order them." and I am like "okay bye." haha. I'm still not happy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? So Ben comes home and I start to go into it... and he has no idea what I'm talking about. Somehow, in the wonderful world of Groom-Land, he's missed out on the last two months of my relationship with these shoes. I'm a little hurt, to be honest. haha. I show him the shoes (and the knock offs posted in the previous blog) and he says we should get the knock offs & if I don't like them then order the good ones. He says we can sell them on ebay later. I don't want the knock-offs AND I don't want to sell the Lovers back online afterwards. *stamps feet* haha. Nothing could shake that mood I was in.

So tomorrow I think I will file my taxes and then probably buy the shoes and then pay to have them dyed. I think. I know as soon as I do there will be some glorious other option to get them cheaper. Stuart Weitzman keeps telling me I have 30 days to bring them back... but I guess not after they're dyed. Eh, what can you do.

I now look forward to being married for a new reason -- because I can rid myself of Bridezilla. I seriously cannot believe I MUST HAVE such expensive shoes. $185 for shoes is insane... and that's my HALF of them. Wow. I've totally lost it.

Oh, and I'm going to repost the shoes... cause you know you wanna see em again :D

Day two is gold & there's no looking back!

I had another great day today! Ben is back on board weight watchers as well (not sure if I'd mentioned that) so that's really helpful & we're both doing well!

Today I ate --

fiber one cereal (the new raisin brand one is REALLY good! and 11g fiber in 1 cup! woo!) with FF milk - 4 points
granola bar - 2
snack mix - 2
chicken pita - 6
toast - 2
pretzels - 2
andes mint - 1 haha

I drank wayyyy more than 64+ ounces today. Getting back into my water feels SO GOOD!

... so work is getting hard. I could seriously eat pizza every day. I WILL NOT CAVE and binge and not count it. If I eat pizza that isn't like a frozen meal or at home thing, I can control myself and spend my flexies. But it sucks being at work making it, smelling it, having it in my car, and seriously... my mouth literally WATERS looking at it. I was sitting in the carry-out area today and on every inch of space we have some kind of food photo. It is a very delicious area to be in. haha. So that's something to keep in mind as a struggle, and remind myself to always have snack food so I don't eat something not worth it just because I'm hungry.

I didn't exercise today aside from some crunches and free weights. I'm actually kind of sore from the weight lifting on Tuesday, and I just didn't even consider doing cardio because I hate it. Whoops! haha.

When I got off work tonight I drove out to Douglasville to take my new rings to Jareds to be re-sized. Yes, I said new rings. Yes, I got ANOTHER engagement ring. Yes, it's my fourth. SHUT UP. haha. But now the problem is officially solved because I have a MATCHING BAND! So now no more stupid ring shopping. Check that off the list! Booyah! I can pick them up tomorrow after four! YAY!

here's a couple quick snapshots Ben took... you should see them in person, better than anything I could ever imagine. My future husband never fails to amaze and spoil me! :)



HE.WENT.TO.JARED!!!! (do you guys have that commercial? lol)

Day one was a total success!

I am STOKED about this blog, starting weight watchers and kicking things into high gear! I really think that planning to write in this is going to keep me going. I'm an all or nothing kinda gal... and thinking about blogging today has just kept me so on board and excited. Last night I was laying in bed reading Breaking Dawn (surprise! haha) and I'm in the chapter were Bella first wakes up from the burn... and I was just laughing uncontrollably I was so happy. Life is just GOOD. I am stressed out with school, and wedding stuff and everything else, but I can handle it... and it's the good stress for a change.

At some point I need to figure out how to make my blog look prettier. Something to draw you all in. Mwahahaha.

So today was great! I had my P.E. class tonight so we did a half an hour of weight/strength training and then walked two miles. I never thought I'd be too out of shape for a friggin' beginners walking class but we are really pushing it. By the end I am sweaty and my heart is racing and I know it's counting as cardio. Whether that's because I'm horribly out of shape or because we're just pushing it that hard I don't know, but I'll take it. It's definitely better than nothing.

I used to be really good about drinking water. I became addicted to it, and my natural thirst came back. I could drink my 64+ ounces a day easily. I NEEDED to. I wanted it more than diet coke. Then I slipped back into my old ways and there were some days where I didn't even take in a sip of water. So today I re-commited to my water drinking. I like water, so fortunatly I have that working on my side. It's the containers that are the problem. I have to be prepared with good water bottles so I know how many ounces I'm getting in and can really chug it down. I can't drink really cold water, and I can't drink it out of cups. But I got in enough water already today, and I'm sure I'll have more before the night is over. I even bought a propel at the grocery store tonight. It's 30 cal (or 1 point) for the entire bottle, and while I'm okay with the flavored vitamin water, I really just buy it occasionally because I love refilling the bottle. So I know I'll be good for water tomorrow cause I've got a good bottle on my side.

I did good on food too. I'm an emotional eater. I'll eat for pretty much any reason... rarely because I'm actually hungry. So this blog will really help with that, because every bite I take I will log, and it will prevent me from eating when I'm not legitimately hungry. I like the phrase "If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you're not hungry." because it's just so true. On top of being an emotional eater, I'm totally a cravings person. Once I get it in my head that I "need" that food - I must have it. That's why weight watchers works so well for me, because I don't have to deprive myself of things, but I do have to decide if it's really "worth" the points.

Food today --
Woke up and had a 2 point oatmeal. Breakfast is important, and I'm rarely hungry in the morning, but I choked it down to start my day off right.
For lunch I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a small frut cup of apples/grapes/mandarin oranges and strawberries. WAY good. 6 points total there.
Dinner was more of a bust -- Ben wound up going out and I was in fend-for-yourself mode. I stopped by the grocery store on the way home from class so that I could pick up some quick things to plan ahead for tomorrow. I was hungry & cranky and grabbed a lean cusine french bread cheese pizza for 7 points. Not the best for me, but it kept me from being bad. I really was in too terrible a mood to bother cooking for myself or getting fancy.

So I have 5 points leftover. I bought a little dessert thing that's 4 points that I'll probably have while reading later tonight. I realize I'm not eating great as far as getting in fruits/veggies/dairy... but I'll just have to work up to that. For now, I'm aiming to eat within my points range, whatever foods those may be. I will get overwhelemed and frustrated if I focus on the rest right now.

If you knew the kind of crap I consumed regularly, you'd be more impressed I'm sure. Yesterday, for example, I had chinese for lunch (moo shoo chicken with some steamed white rice) and then around dinner time had some of Ben's sweet & sour chicken leftovers. Because I got my period yesterday (ugh!) I was feeling sick and sent Ben out at like 9pm for a hot fudge sundae & mcdonald's french fries. I don't think I drank any water all day. And that was pretty much the norm for me. So I'm totally capable of doing this the right way, but I'm gonna have to ease into all the healthy stuff. Bare with me. I'm gonna be patting myself on the back for staying within my points range for the first few weeks.

Oh and today was my weigh-in today. I was 151.8. The last few times I'd weighed myself I was at 148ish... so I'm thinking some of the additional 3 pounds is water weight/bloat from my period. So I'm guessing my loss at next weigh-in may be a little inflated. We shall see.

I have a couple wedding things to get off my chest as well. I'm trying to hold back so this entry isn't too long. I HAVE to edit the final guest list this week or my maid of honor and my mom are going to kill me. They need to start working on addressing wedding invites and shower invites, so it's really not fair for my procrastinating to make them rush at the end. I need to get on that. Speaking of things that need to get done, Ben & I need to register quickly. People keep asking about that and giving me a hard time, haha. It's kind of weird to be yelled at from people who want to buy you stuff.

In other wedding related news, I'm still grieving the loss of my shoes. I just don't want to move on. I'm planning on wearing fuchsia heels for the wedding. I found the PERFECT pair online, but they were hella expensive. I showed them to my mom, FMIL and FSIL and they all loved them. Foolishly, we decided to go to the store and try them on. They were even more adorable in person and so comfortable. I didn't order them at the store because they were $110 cheaper online. So a week or so later we went to order them online (despite them being ridiculously expensive, they were just that perfect) and they didn't have my size. So that's that. The best shoes I've ever seen or tried on in my entire life are just... gone. Here they are-I have narrow heels so I need something that straps around my ankle. These are just PERFECT. The color is right, they're comfortable, the big bow makes the lame ankle strap cute and fun and not lame... and they're peep toe! I ADORE these shoes. I would marry them, if I could. *sigh*

So I've been mourning them for a while now, and it's getting down to crunch time. I have to order some shoes so I can start having my alterations done. We're running out of time. I can't even look at another shoe (I just don't see their faces.) -- they are all instantly compared to the Stuart Weitzman Lover. FSIL finally found something online that is similar. They're like 1/6 of the price of THE shoe. My mom said that while they aren't as good as the other one, we don't have another option, and to just order them. I can't bring myself to do it. Here's what they look like--
Admittedly, they're very similar knock offs. It was a good find on FSIL's part, and the price is certainly better. I never thought I'd be the girl who could stomach such expensive shoes as the Lover, but they were THAT good. If you know me, you realize how HUGE it is for me to say such a thing. These knock-off shoes are the right color. But their "bow" on the ankle strap is a stupid little string that looks like it's begging to be cut off. The big jewel thing up front is a little cheap looking. They just don't hold the same level of formality and elegance as the first pair. With such bold wedding colors I'm always walking the fine line between fun/bold & just cheap/tacky. The Lover is elegant to me but still fun, the second pair I fear just look... cheap. I'm also not real wild about open toe shoes, and these definitely aren't peep toe. They could be okay, but the thing is, I wouldn't know until they were here and they were mine. They aren't sold in any stores in Georgia for me to go and try them on. Shipping is free, that's nice. *sigh* I just can't bring myself to let go of the Stuart Weitzman shoe. Somebody snap me out of it.

Not surprisingly, I've been procrastinating on my first post

I don't really know where to begin. I suppose I'll start with how this blog came to be. I was reading the blog of a friend of mine, and she posts her daily struggles and accomplishments throughout her weight loss journey. She posts what she eats and when she works out. It really motivates me. I was thinking that if I did something similar, with a handful of followers, it would encourage me to be honest with myself and the world and finally whip my butt into high gear. So, I clicked 'sign up' to make a blog. This was three days ago.

The blog wanted to be named. That's fair, reasonable. So I sat there trying to come up with something to call it, to give it a proper and meaningful URL. Because I've yet to figure out who my audience for this may be, if anyone at all, I'll go into the long of it. Most of you realize I'm rarely short winded in the first place.

I'm having a really hard time letting go of my last name. Murphy is just a badass last name. It's great for nicknames, although I never had any derived from it. That was actually kind of annoying, I mean "Smurph" always seemed like a good one, it's a combination of my first and last name for crying out loud! I digress. I'm the end of the Murphy line. My granny had one son, who had one child -- me. So that's just it. There are no aunts/uncles/cousins to pass along the Murphy name. It just ends at me. I always knew this, and yet still looked forward to going the traditional route and taking my husband's last name when the time comes. And now here it is... and I'm not looking forward to it. My dad died in 2005. Since his only direct family is my Granny & I, I feel like no one ever has reason to talk about him or think of him. Since he lived in California my entire life it's easy for me to remain in denial about his death and pretend like I just haven't heard from him in a while. But now it's time to 'let go' of my last name, and it makes me feel like I'm losing him -- again. My dad was all about being Irish, his business was named "Irish Images" (a name I tried to convince Ben to call his photog business, although that didn't pan out) and he had MURPHY stuff all over the house. His friends called him "Murph" and he had lots of "Murphy's Law" stuff around, etc. I feel like his last name was really prominent in his identity, or at least more so than other people. My whole life people would see my red hair & freckles and then comment on how Irish sounding my name is. Finally a couple months ago Ben and I were at Engaged Encounter and the priest made the same comment, so finally I got my 'I told you so" in. haha.

Anyway, the point of all of this is, it's not that Helton is a terrible last name, it's just that I feel like I'm losing part of my identity, specifically the tie to my late father. It just breaks my heart. I attempted to convince Ben to take my last name, insisting that "Ben Murphy" sounded even better... but that will just never happen. It's not even that Ben is opposed to taking my last name because he's the man and it's unconventional, it's just that he's in the same situation I'm in. His dad was an only child, and Ben's the only male -- so it's up to him (and me) to carry on the Helton name. At the very least it's comforting that Ben is so wonderfully understanding about my hesitance, and he realizes that if his father had passed away and he didn't have a mom and sister with the same last name, it would be even MORE difficult... so that makes me feel better.

The point of that long winded explanation (hey, I warned you!) is that I had to decide on something to call this blog. I wanted very much so to stick my last name into the mix. The first thing that came to mind was "Making the most of my last days as a Murphy" which is entirely too long, but also brought with it the waterworks. I sat here staring at the start up page silently crying ... then Ben came in and it was time to explain. So NOW, three days later, I'm emotionally capable of naming and starting this blog.

Tie into it the fact that I'm writing this as motivation to become more healthy, specifically before our wedding in April, and it made the whole "Murphy" thing an even bigger deal. See, my entire life I watched my dad battle his weight. I don't want to spend my life like that. I don't want to spend my last two months with this last name being miserable and unhappy with my body and lifestyle choices.

So here's the gameplan--

I am going to write in this daily. I am going to update with what I ate and what exercise I did. I don't care if it's good or bad, hold me accountable for owning up to it. If I'm going to fail at this, I need it to be in my face. The days slip by so quickly, but they add up... and I want to know when I'm really slacking. I will also post wedding updates since this all coincides, and to hopefully make it a little more interesting, haha.